chocolate. chip. cookies.

I had the privilege to babysit Colin and Pete tonight. We had a lot planned for the evening, some of the activities consisted of making chocolate chip cookies and watching a movie. We made the cookies first, because that was going to be the highlight of our evening together. It's always crazy making cookies with those two little boys. If Colin adds a teaspoon of vanilla, then Pete has to add a teaspoon of something else; the work has to be perfectly divided. We waiting nine long minutes for our cookies to bake. We were hoping to watch the movie with a plate of cookies by our side. Well, it turns out that Lizzy can't read or measure, and we didn't add a whole cup of flour. The soft and chewy cookies that we were eagerly waiting for ended up being nothing more than flat disks of burnt dough with a lot of chocolate chips. I was pretty bummed because we worked so hard on those cookies.

I've been thinking about the past, present, and future of someone that I know recently. I don't necessarily know what his dreams or aspirations were when he was growing up, but I do know that they got lost somewhere along the way. This really makes me sad. How many people do I know that once had great aspirations, and ended up asking themselves "what went wrong?". I fear that this will happen to me. That I will have a long list of dreams and aspirations, but instead of being fulfilled to their potential, they will end up becoming flat, dry, and looking nothing like what I intended them to be. I don't want to find myself wondering what went wrong, or asking myself what I missed along the way.

I don't want my life to reflect discontent and regret.

memories.

I'm listening to the band Between The Trees right now. I'm really liking them. I don't really have something to really developed to write about, but that's alright.

After small groups I dropped Trish off, and before she got out of the car we were talking, but we had to cut our discussion short because I was going to pee in my pants...and I didn't want to deal with that. You need to understand how many times I have driven up and backed down Trish's driveway...far too many to count. But tonight when I was going to back down the driveway, I thought about something new.
I don't know how well I will be able to explain this, but here I go:
The whole thought process started when I said bye to Trish. I have dropped her off so many times that it wasn't very monumental. One day in the future, I will be backing up and remember the countless times I backed down this girl Trish's driveway. I then began thinking that a lot of the things that are so familiar to me will one day be a memory. My room that is so cluttered will be a memory. My tulip duvet cover and leopard couch thing will be a memory. Some friendships will be a memory, and my involvement in the youth ministry will be a memory. The craziness of my house will be a memory, and seeing Colin and Pete race around our family room will be a memory. One day I'll be sitting with my kids, and will tell them about all of the things my mom, sister and I would laugh about, I'll tell them how much I enjoyed going to Borders and reading baking books. I'll remember sitting at the huge kitchen table with my whole family, as I am sitting at my own someday. This is so weird, and kinda sad to think about.

the carpet guy.

So over the weekend something happened with a pipe in our downstairs bathroom. To make a long story short, our basement got flooded and we had to get new padding under the carpet. The carpet guy was here today to lay the carpet back down and do whatever else he had to do. My mom wasn't home to give him the check, so he insisted on waiting half an hour until she returned. It wasn't a big deal, Colin loved helping this guy out and having him hang out in the kitchen. The carpet guy (I think his name is Berry) started making phone calls to his friends while he was chillen in the kitchen, and since I was sitting in the family room, I couldn't help but overhear his conversation with his friend.

I overheard him talk about his latest wife, and how they recently divorced, or were in the process of getting one. I guess they were together for 25 years, and I could tell he was trying to mask his pain behind sarcasm. He mentioned that his ex-wife didn't have anything when they met, other than a rusty and dented up car to her name. He was determined that the next wife he finds has some money, or at least a job. He was sick of being the one to provide all the time, and didn't like how much money he was being drained from the divorce. I barely know one side of the story, but it was a sad one regardless.

So there I was, sitting in my family room, "reading" a book, and listening to Berry talk on the phone. His language started to slip into some bad habits, replacing some adjectives with other four letter words. In the midst of it all, it hit me. I mean, I know that God is all about relationships, I know that. But I realized that God wants to be in a relationship even if we have nothing to our name, he doesn't really need anything from us, but we need him. He wants to hold us in His loving arms regardless of our bruised and dented heart; He wants us to trust him to provide. I guess I easily slip into the mindset that God doesn't want to hear from me if I don't read my bible consistently or pray a lot. Its so easy to believe that if I'm not a "Good Christian", then I'm a burden to God. Where does this come from? Because I'm pretty sure the bible doesn't tell us that God's love for us is determined by the length of our devotionals in the morning.

May we see the depth and beauty of His grace, remain in His love, and rest fully in His loving embrace.